I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize