Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
