she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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