hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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