so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
