I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
