just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
