I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
