So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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