Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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