I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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