So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
