god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
