Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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