were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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