considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
