watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
