Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
