Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
