i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
