I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
