yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
