Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
