I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
