if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I would fuck him just for his dog
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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