My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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