Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
