dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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