actually, I'm a sock model
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
