If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
