I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
