You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize