I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize