everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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