If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the night ended with taco bell and tears
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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