Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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