Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize