If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
