I puked a lego.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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