it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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