The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
