He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
