He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize