so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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