i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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