I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
