Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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