Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
