For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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