I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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