just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
