Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
