yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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