Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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