She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
