i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
