There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
