I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
