youre lurking in front of me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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