You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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