the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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