my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
