Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
