Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(336): View more from North Carolina

If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.

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(334): View more from Alabama

God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.

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(805): View more from California

Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?

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(949): View more from California

He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.

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(416): View more from Toronto

You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.

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(917): View more from New York City

Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.

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(917): View more from New York City

dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked

(646): View more from New York

oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now

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