new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
