everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
